disappointment and failure

it's a little bit crazy, isn't it?

how the people you've written off pull through for you when you least expect it, and those who you need to catch you let you down when you need them.
don't pretend like you don't know what i'm talking about. it just kills me when people get on their high horse and preach about how my family is doing everything wrong. we're not trying. all these trials aren't God throwing them at us; it's us. our fault. our bad. almost deliberate. we're doing this to ourselves.

it's so funny how they do things to help. but their service is a burden. tell me, how humanitarian...how good samaritan are you if you roll your eyes while you're being such a good person? does the action of seemingly doing something nice make you great? negative. firm negative. attitude counts for everything.

how dare you. failure doesn't make a person worthless. it's not worth your disappointment. don't waste your breath on the effort it takes to talk your smack. last time i checked, your favorite was jobless for years. years. this same preacher didn't have a job, then when she got one, it's once or twice a week. how does this make her an expert on job finding...how does this give you a right to tell us we should be getting second and third jobs?

so, let me get this straight. dad's not in an office. he doesn't fly to chile and europe. he doesn't leave on business trips for days at a time, then sleep on the couch when he gets home. his marriage isn't falling apart. he's not making six digits. he doesn't yell every chance he gets.
but he's not in an office. he's not getting fat and staring at a computer screen 8 hours a day at work, then another 8 till he goes to bed. so he's worthless, right?
right. got it. thank you for that insight.

and you. yeah, you know who i'm talking about. that's right. look at me. he's just like your husband. who you never bothered to try and understand. dad was with you every day when he died. he was there for you. and you can sleep at night telling us how badly you're disappointed in him for not having what your definition of a 'real' job is? is he not doing exactly what you loving hubby of over 50 years did? mountain man-ing...youth wilderness counselor for thee troubled youth of the world....living off of nature...one with the animals...blah blah blah. one and the same, lady. read it and weep. take a step back and look at what you're doing. by condemning, you're condemning the one person in the world who never left your side. the only person who could have done it.
so don't tell us you're turning your back now because of this. you were never there. and never will be. thank you, thank you.

reverse roles. flip side. mom's side of the family. we've struggled from day one with differences in opinion. fought constantly. avoided each other. then, when we need it....you pull through for us. give us some place to lay our heads until we get back on our feet. until we figure this out. tell us the one thing we need to hear: you support us. you support dad. you accept that this is different. but also that that doesn't make it less worthwhile. thank you, thank you.

so those of you who have graced us with your disappointment and less-than-kind words of advice, snide comments, rolled eyes, and crap talking. take it elsewhere. we didn't need you then. thought we needed you now. but i guess you proved us wrong. so we won't need you ever.

how about you get off your high horse and take a good look at it. cuz once you're on the ground you'll realize it's on its knees